I could write a "War and Peace" sized book on the topic of
toileting…most of it would be about war, but thank goodness I have almost found
peace. I won’t give you a mile by mile
replay, instead, here are some postcards received while riding the rails.
I love you, but why are you suddenly interested in me using
the toilet? The diapers work just fine. I pee and poop in them and you change
me. I see no reason to make changes to
our arrangement.
Love,
Noah (age 3 ½)
Dear Mom:
I thought I made it clear to you that I do not like changes. Setting timers every hour seriously
interrupts my play and makes me very angry.
BTW: I know there’s no potty fairy changing the color of the
toilet water. It’s just you trying to come
up with a creative way to get me to walk into the bathroom. There’s nothing magical about putting blue
food coloring in the toilet bowl and having me pee to change the color of the
water. There is only science.
Also, I’m sorry I threw my shoes in the toilet and locked
you in the basement, but I’m trying to get it through your head… I despise changes
to my routine.
Love,
Noah (age 3 ¾)P.S. I only like Thomas the Tank Engine trains. Please keep your potty trains to yourself.
Please stop talking about treasure chests and stickers. I don’t like stickers!
And, Diego underwear is grossly over-rated. Luvs are much more convenient and more
absorbent than cotton.
Can’t you find a better use of your time then to torment me
with timers and your irritating potty songs?
I guess you enjoy cleaning up the
floor every 30 minutes.
Love,
Noah (age 4)P.S. Did you like the Irish jig I did in the puddles today?
Dear Mom:
I had a great time at Grandma’s house. Since I don’t get to see her often, I haven’t
had a chance to create a routine at her house, but I still had fun.
I played outside in her garden and she let me eat chocolate
chip cookies for breakfast. I peed in
her potty, but when I come home on Sunday do not expect me to use your potty. I don’t do that at home. Home = Diapers
Love,
Noah (age 4 ¼ years)
Dear Mom:
Why do you insist on reading me a story featuring photos of
me using the toilet? And, now Dad is
creating a video of me and the potty?
Hello! I know how to use the
toilet, but oftentimes I don’t feel like I have to go. Remember when I was two and you found me purposefully slamming my fingers in the door…again and again. Well, it’s kinda like that. I don’t feel things the same way you do.
I’m not doing it on purpose – ok, well, not all the time anyway. I’ll admit, sometimes I just don’t want to go because I just went 30 minutes ago. Why do I have to go all the time? It’s so frustrating!
Love,
Noah (age 4 ½ years)
Dear Mom:
I know my birthday is just around the corner. I’m excited for my party and presents, but I
don’t want to be five. I finally got
used to telling people that I’m four, and now I have to remember a new number. Stop
telling me I’m getting to be a big boy. I
don’t want to be big. I just want to
stay little. Love,
Noah (age 4 ¾ years)P.S. I’ve noticed when I sit on your lap, that there isn’t as much room as there used to be. Are you shrinking?
Dear Mom:
Yesterday the kids at school made fun of me on the
playground. They called me diaper
boy. That made me mad. I wasn’t even wearing diapers…I was wearing a
pull-up. Sheesh!
Love,
Noah (age 5 years)
Dear Mom:
I’m so frustrated…I know you are, too. I go to the bathroom all the time at
school. I have a routine. I always go before reading and after math and
before lunch and after recess. Maybe I
would have fewer accidents at home if you would teach reading and math to me on
the weekends. I always go before reading
and after math.
Love,
Noah (age 5 ½ years)
Dear Mom:
Thanks for taking me to see a specialist. I know we are both super tired of living our
lives around the bathroom. At least now we have a name for what has been aggravating
the issue -- Lower urinary tract dysfunction. I’m not sure what it means, but I hear the physical
therapist I’ll be seeing uses video games to help. I love video games! I wonder if she has Star Wars the Complete Saga.
Love,
Noah (age 6 ½)
Dear Mom:
Wow! The appointment
with the physical therapist was kinda weird, but also kinda cool. She attached special cords to my body that
were then hooked up to a computer. I had
to pay attention to my breathing and had to squeeze or release my muscles just right
to get the video games to work properly.
Love,
Noah (age 6 ¾) P.S. Thanks for not giving up, but Star Wars games are much more
fun.
Dear Mom:
I like the new vibrating potty watch you bought for me. It looks like something a spy would
wear. It’s great because now I never
need to pay attention to external cues like when a class begins or ends – I
just go when the watch tells me.
You are no longer the boss of me…the watch is! But, don’t ask me to go before getting in the
car for a long ride. I can only go
when my super cool watch tells me to go.
Love,
Noah (age 8 years)
Although our story is not unique, it was made more
complicated by the physical issues we discovered late in the game. Unbeknownst to us, Noah suffered through
muscle spasms and his frequent leaks were due to his inability to fully empty
his bladder or hold more than two ounces of fluid at one time. In our case, the specialists believe that when
we began toileting, Noah had very weak muscles which caused frequent accidents,
however, later he developed a routine of holding his muscles too tightly which
caused the spasms, and an inability to empty.
Today, we have rid ourselves of all devices and use a combination of frequent, routine bathroom breaks and medication to keep his confidence strong and healthy.
I hope you have found the information I’ve presented as
meaningful and that it helps provide a greater sense of compassion for families
who are going through it, but are too embarrassed to share their story. In closing, I want to leave you with three
points to consider:
1.
One trait commonly shared among children on the
autism spectrum is a high level of anxiety.2. Controlling one’s environment is a self-coping means to reduce anxiety.
3. There are really only 3 things a child has control over –
a. Eating – how much and what they choose to put in their mouth
b. Sleeping - how much or when they choose to fall asleep
c. Toileting – where or how often they choose to void
Below are some good resources:
http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Toileting_Issues_with_Autism
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/autism_spectrum_disorder_toilet_training.html/context/1167
http://www.behavioradvisor.com/Autism&Toileting.html
Andrea, this is such a creative way of presenting a long and unbelievable journey--really great information, and great writing approach!
ReplyDeleteMy son wrote that same 3 1/2 year old letter to me over and over. I kept marking it "Return to Sender" until you came along and shared your story. I can never thank you enough for giving me "permission" to relax and let it be his decision.
ReplyDeleteKeep blogging!
Thanks for sharing this Andrea. You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteYES! This is so incredibly helpful and your writing style makes it incredibly adorable at the same time! You ARE amazing and keep on chuggin'!!!!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, just beautiful!
ReplyDeleteWow!! What a bumpy road you guys have been down. I can't imagine that frustration for SO long! You sound so positive about it! Thank you for sharing this post with me. It's great to hear other people's perspectives!
ReplyDeleteIt was quite a ride...I hope never to travel down that path again. If ever you need help with potty training...I have a gazillion ideas for you to try. Good luck!
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