Changing Times

The summer season...
A time of growth when the days are longest and the nights are shortest. For Noah he has spent many of those long days worrying about the changes he will experience by attending a new high school this fall. The nights extra short as he's up before the sun because for him change is synonymous with impending doom.

Summer is also the time when kids seem to grow the most both physically and emotionally. With only two more days til the start of a new school year, I have begun examining the ways in which Noah has grown this summer:
* he held a part time job
* he can independently walk to and from the park near our home
* he has a "long-distance" girlfriend he face times every day

 However, some things do not change.
..Noah's desire for sameness. Keeping the status quo in a world of never-ending change, is near impossible and stressful. I try to control "unexpected" things by serving him foods he is comfortable with and can tolerate. Keeping up with routines and schedules -- even in the summer months.

...Noah's short term memory difficulties. I make him lists, but he refuses to use them. I try not to lose my patience when he forgets and brushes his teeth without paste or can't remember which trash can is for waste and which is for recycling or has misplaced xyz...again and again.

...Noah's love for repetition and imitation. He is not only good at learning piano pieces by ear, he is also pretty terrific and imitating inflections/mannerisms and phrases from people he has met or movies he has seen...so much so it sometimes feels as though there are other people living in our home.

...our need for support from Action for Autism St. Louis. This summer through AFA Noah received private occupational therapy twice a week. On Tuesdays he and his beloved therapist, Cindy, worked on sensory issues and keyboarding skills. On Thursdays the two of them walked to our local city center to work out or played Foosball. She helped him devise a simple exercise plan that included using the treadmill and other equipment. They walked to a local eatery to order, count out money and pay for an item on his own. Through it all she has been his sounding board and counselor and helped him work through frustrations about being picked on at the pool this summer or worries about attending a new school.

On August 24th our family will be participating in our 11th annual AFA Family Fun Walk. If you feel led, please make a tax deductible donation here. Scroll to the bottom of the page and select Family Fun Walk from the drop down list and type Felgenhauer in the Donation Notes bar.

Thank you to all who have supported us in the past and those who are able to help this year.

Puberty Waits for No One

Motherhood is filled with endless stages...sitting, crawling, walking, talking, etc.  Typical kids seem to enter each one seamlessly and without much trepidation.  But, with Noah, Steve and I have had to practically drag him through each one.  I remember the first time Noah stood alone.  The moment I clapped and squealed excitedly, he immediately sat down and wailed. It was nearly three months before he would try again, yet when he did he didn't just stand, he walked then ran across the room. Noah requires lots and lots of assurance.  He does not like to attempt something new unless he is 110% sure he can be successful doing it.  Noah thrives on routines and change of any kind causes him serious anxiety.  When he was five turning six he hated the idea of having a birthday and becoming a different age.  He wanted to stay the same.  I can understand that.  I wish I could stay right where I am, too...or at least that my body and mind could, anyway.  Which is why puberty and the emotional changes that go with it have really thrown me for a loop.  You won't find me coaxing or dragging Noah along...it's more likely I'm the one who will try to dig my heels in, hoping against hope that time would slow down already. 

Noah: "Mom, you know Julianne?"
Me: "From school? Yes."
Noah: "I like her.
Me: (heart pounding..oh boy, I'm not ready for this)  "You do."
Noah: "Yeah.  Last night I had a dream.  She was in it.
Me: "You had a dream? You always told me you never dream."
Noah: "I know, but I did.
Me: (Dear Lord)
Noah: "I wanted to dance with her, but first we needed to find a disco ball and..."
Me: (lalalalalalala) "I see."

Later that evening

Noah: "Mom, I think I'm in love."
Me: "Did you see Julianne at school?"
Noah: "Yes."
Me: Did you talk to her?
Noah: "No!"
Me: "Ok, just a suggestion
Noah: "I want to write to her."
Me: "Ok, do you need help?"
Noah: "No! I can...I can do it. I'm a big kid"
Me: (wow...this must be some crush because I think if given a choice he'd rather hang upside by his toenails than do any sort of handwriting.)

Behind his closed door I can hear him becoming more and more frustrated with himself.  I knock and pop my head in. I notice he's started a sentence, but most of the letters are backwards and nearly illegible.  My stomach lurches.

Noah: "I'm so stupid!"
Me: "That is definitely not true."
Noah: "But I want to do it."
Me: "Ok, what if I write it for you and you just tell me what to write."
Noah: "No!" (clearly his thoughts are for her eyes only. My heart aches)
Me: "What if I set you up on the computer?"
Noah: "Ok."
(After setting him up...he then becomes stuck with what to write after I heart U.)

I tilt my head toward Steve and notice he is sitting in the club chair, seemingly engrossed in a junk mail flyer; while Natalie is doing her best to blend in with the couch.  Feeling my stink eye upon him, Steve volleys back with a raised brow and a smirk. As he rises from his seat he asks Natalie if she can show him her rock collection again.

Noah: "I'm just so nervous! I don't know what to say."
Me: "Hmm...maybe start with what kind of music do you like...are you sure you want to lead with I heart u?"
Noah: "MOM!"
Me: "Ok..ok..ok."
Noah: "It's just...I'm putting my heart out there.  What if she doesn't like me?"
Me: (Oh dear...and I thought potty training was hard.)

I did my best to redirect him to the task at hand.  After coming up with several questions - he felt confident enough to finish it and gave it to her (via her best friend). 

Monday morning at drop off, Noah recognized Julianne's parent's car ahead of us.

Noah: "There's Julianne."
Me: (in my head I'm thinking he needs talking points quick) "I see...you could ask her about her weekend... do you need help remembering? You hung out with Evan and went to the park and.."
Noah: (He raised his hand for me to stop) "Mom, I don't want to do that."
Me: "Oh."
As he stepped out of our car he turned, gave me a side glance and said, "I work alone."