Changing Times

The summer season...
A time of growth when the days are longest and the nights are shortest. For Noah he has spent many of those long days worrying about the changes he will experience by attending a new high school this fall. The nights extra short as he's up before the sun because for him change is synonymous with impending doom.

Summer is also the time when kids seem to grow the most both physically and emotionally. With only two more days til the start of a new school year, I have begun examining the ways in which Noah has grown this summer:
* he held a part time job
* he can independently walk to and from the park near our home
* he has a "long-distance" girlfriend he face times every day

 However, some things do not change.
..Noah's desire for sameness. Keeping the status quo in a world of never-ending change, is near impossible and stressful. I try to control "unexpected" things by serving him foods he is comfortable with and can tolerate. Keeping up with routines and schedules -- even in the summer months.

...Noah's short term memory difficulties. I make him lists, but he refuses to use them. I try not to lose my patience when he forgets and brushes his teeth without paste or can't remember which trash can is for waste and which is for recycling or has misplaced xyz...again and again.

...Noah's love for repetition and imitation. He is not only good at learning piano pieces by ear, he is also pretty terrific and imitating inflections/mannerisms and phrases from people he has met or movies he has seen...so much so it sometimes feels as though there are other people living in our home.

...our need for support from Action for Autism St. Louis. This summer through AFA Noah received private occupational therapy twice a week. On Tuesdays he and his beloved therapist, Cindy, worked on sensory issues and keyboarding skills. On Thursdays the two of them walked to our local city center to work out or played Foosball. She helped him devise a simple exercise plan that included using the treadmill and other equipment. They walked to a local eatery to order, count out money and pay for an item on his own. Through it all she has been his sounding board and counselor and helped him work through frustrations about being picked on at the pool this summer or worries about attending a new school.

On August 24th our family will be participating in our 11th annual AFA Family Fun Walk. If you feel led, please make a tax deductible donation here. Scroll to the bottom of the page and select Family Fun Walk from the drop down list and type Felgenhauer in the Donation Notes bar.

Thank you to all who have supported us in the past and those who are able to help this year.

Deep Thoughts From Noah #95

Noah: Mom, I have nothing to wear.

Me: How can that be? I've done all the laundry.
(I head upstairs to his room. Not only is his dirty laundry basket half full, but he has dirty clothes strewn all over his bedroom floor.

Me: Noah, you need to bring your dirty clothes down so I may wash them.

Noah: Oh. I forgot.

Me: Why are all of your clothes on the floor?

Noah: I don't know

Me: Noah, you have to have a better reason than "I don't know."

Noah: Well...because if I put them in the laundry basket I was afraid they would overflow.

Me: Touche

Letting Go of 15

Yesterday was Noah's birthday yet it has taken me a full day to process my 15 year old is now 16. Why? 16 is only 365 days older than 15. It's no big deal, right?

Not for me.

This month we had Noah's transitional IEP. Since Noah would be turning 16 before his next IEP, Special School District begins looking at his case a little bit differently. Things get real. The SSD case manager begins asking questions like what path/future do you see for your child. Do you see him working full time in a competitive job? Part-time? Volunteer work only? Does he have stamina to work a 4-5 hour shift?
Next came a question I've wondered about, but had never addressed formally with educators

Is Noah pursuing a high school diploma or a certificate of completion?

When the SSD case manager asked the question, I didn't answer immediately. Instead other members of Noah's educational team began wrestling with the question aloud.

"I don't know. This is so hard. I see so much potential in him. He is smart in so many ways." said Cindy, Noah's OT/counselor/friend. (She has been part of our journey since Noah was five years old.)

(I've heard this kind of talk for most of Noah's school career, yet, he's now 16 and test scores and his current output of work seem to point his future in another direction. In my heart I knew but my mouth remained silent)

Next came a voice from an educator, an expert and someone I consider my friend. Always kind, and patient, yet firm and convicted. She spoke up when I couldn't.
"I think he is 16 now and it's time. I think a certificate of completion is appropriate," said Mary, Miriam School Head of School.

When she spoke I knew it was true. In my mind I envisioned a set of heavy doors slamming shut. I began making a mental list of other things that were also true.
* Noah is almost 16, but he will never drive a car.
* Noah is 16, yet he isn't ready to leave our street without supervision
* Noah is 16, but I can't leave him home alone for more than an hour to run to the store.
It was like I was trying to punish myself for letting go. For giving up or giving in.

But, Mary spoke up again, her voice pulled me from the negative mental vortex I was dragging myself down into.

"I think Noah would be a good candidate for the Succeed program at UMSL."

(I had never heard of this before, however, the idea of Noah taking part in a college program gave me a flutter of hope -- his path may not be straight, but the opportunities are still wide open)

Hope floats, it raises you up so you can tackle another day.

Yesterday Noah turned 16, but I turned a corner. I'm less fearful for what lies ahead. I'm talking to God more. I'm letting go...of 15, anyway.

Happy 16th Birthday Noah!
I may need to look up - to look you in the eye and I may not be able to carry you in my arms, but...
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as your living, my baby you'll be."
Robert Munsch

Deep Thoughts From Noah #94

I just walked in from having my hair cut into a new 'do. Upon seeing me Noah said, "Mom! You look so cute!" then he joked that he almost thought "stranger danger" when he first saw me.

Deep Thoughts From Noah #93

Noah: Mom, I named my voice crack.
Me: You did...what do you call it?
Noah: Jimmy
Me: As in Jimmy Cracked Corn? Noah, you are too much.
Noah: Who is that? No, I just named it Jimmy because I can.

Deep Thoughts from Noah #32

Noah: "But, why do I have to have fruit before I can have dessert?  Last night Dad let me eat ice cream and I never ate fruit."
Me: "Hmm...really?"
Steve: "Noah, are you telling on me?"
Noah: "Well, it's for your own good."

Blue & Gold Banquet 2013

On February 9th we attended Noah's first Blue & Gold Banquet.  Held at the Masonic Temple in Webster Groves, the circus themed room pulsed with testosterone and the smell of fried chicken.  The kids and I met Steve there as he was in charge of picking up 300 pieces of King Edward's finest for the event.  It was a fun evening punctuated with lots of laughs thanks to our entertainer, Juggling Jeff.  But, the best part was seeing the look on Noah's face when he heard his name called during the award ceremony.  As it turns out, you don't have to build the fastest car to win at Pinewood Derby.  Noah earned a 1st place trophy for his entry in the category of "Original Design".

Smorgasbord of side dishes.

Juggling Jeff  is always a good time.

Each den was charged with making a cake for the cake decorating contest.  This one was done by Noah's group.  I can only imagine what the poor Den mother's kitchen looked like after a dozen boys had been through it.

Noah looks a bit shellshocked.

The A Team

Noah with his buddy, Jacob

Deep Thoughts from Noah #21

After finishing his shower, Noah wrote on the steam-covered bathroom mirror.  He shared, "I wrote I love you, Mom, but it's implied that Dad is included."

Deep Thoughts from Noah #18

Noah: "Mom, what kind of money did you use when you were a girl?"
Before I could answer, Natalie piped in, "trading!"
(Hmmm...with my birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, maybe I should trade one of them...for a walker.)

Deep Thoughts From Noah #12

"Careful, the pizza is hot," I warned

"Well, people who like hot should live on the sun," shared Natalie

"They should also wear sunscreen," added Noah.

Deep Thoughts from Noah #11

"Mom, I want to change my name," shared Noah.

"Fine.  When you are 18," I replied.

"Great!  I'm going to change my name to Frodo," said Noah.

(Awesome...I don't know why I didn't think of that name first.)

Deep Thoughts from Noah #10

"Noah, that was just a story.  It's not real," I said.

"No!  I saw it in a real, live movie," he replied.

Overnight Success

Last Saturday I spent the afternoon helping Steve and Noah pack flashlights and long underwear for their overnight camping trip with the Cub Scouts -- a first for Noah.  I admit I was a bit anxious about how it would all play out.  I wanted so badly for it to be a good experience for both of them.  That night, as the temperatures dipped down into the 40's, I was sure I'd hear them come through our front door any minute.

However, it was 9 a.m. before their car pulled into our driveway.  When they entered, I braced myself for a barrage of complaints.  I was unprepared for them to arrive home happy and full -- from a hearty campfire breakfast and tales of their adventures together.

"So, everything went OK?" I hesitated, "He did good?"

"Andrea, he did great," Steve assured.

And, while both my guys aren't one for sharing details, Steve was happy to tell me all about his introduction to s'm-oreos and the joys of eating roasted hot dogs.

"How many did you eat?" I asked

"Oh! I wouldn't even want to try to count," Steve replied.

He and Noah laughed as they re-enacted the skits the boys performed the night before.  Then, it was back to talking about food -- especially the bacon and eggs they enjoyed before packing up to return home.

Eating and joking...joking and eating --that's what it's all about, right?

Noah and friends performing their skit.

Eggs and bacon enjoyed 'round an open fire.

I"m So Happy...Scouts Honor

A few weeks ago Noah came home waving a "Join the Cub Scouts" flyer in my face.

"Mom!  I want to join Cub Scouts!  Jacob is in it and he told me I should join so I can be in it with him," shared Noah.

"Ok," I replied.

While my face and body remained neutral, my insides were doing flip flops.  Suddenly, Jacob was my new favorite name.  Since Noah began 3rd grade, I've been bracing myself for his social life at school to become increasingly more difficult.  For years I've been warned that social challenges typically become even more pronounced in 3rd grade. However, knock on wood, this has not been the case for us.  Sure...his school work this year has been fraught with more tears and anxiety over spelling tests and science tests.  And, because of his dyslexia and other learning challenges he's reading below grade level, handwriting is difficult and math is a constant source of frustration, but none of that matters because the other day Noah told me, "Mom, I think Jacob is a little bit my friend."

My happiness meter reading was off the charts that day.  Though he's been invited to parties and I've arranged play dates, this is the first time he's spoken of having a friend at school...in his own classroom.  Most often I hear from him how much he wants a friend, but doesn't feel like he fits in or that kids don't understand him.  And the blessings have continued to pour in.  Without prompting from me, Steve suggested that he attend the Cub Scout informational meeting with Noah himself.  When he returned, I learned that not only had he enrolled Noah to become a member of Pack 314, but he also signed himself up as a volunteer.  Suddenly, my two boys had a means to connect and spend quality time with each other in a way that they hadn't before --something they both sorely needed.  Since Noah is not a sports kid and did not inherit his Dad's hunting and fishing gene, recreation between the two has been quite limited.  Also, joining the Cub Scouts would provide Noah with an opportunity to interact with kids his own age, outside of a school setting.

Fast forward to today, Steve and Noah have had quite a few adventures together including; building a tool box, target shooting with BB guns and slingshots and participating in a few science experiments to earn his first badge.  He's even built up his courage enough to begin selling popcorn for his pack.

I just love a man in uniform.

Noah is ready to hit the pavement with his lovely assistant.

He was nervous at first, but after a few successful sales,
he began offering his opinion on popcorn flavors.

We couldn't keep Natalie away.  

If you are interested in having Noah come to your door to give his spiel on the yummy flavors of popcorn offered for sale by the Cub Scouts, drop me an email at andrea (at) therapyonwry (dot) (com).  For those who live outside of the St. Louis area, online ordering is available.

Deep Thoughts from Noah #3

Watch out Yogi Berra...there's a new kid in town.

Me: "Did you wash your hands after touching the turtle?"
Noah: "No, I don't need to because I only held it. I didn't even touch it."

Left Out in the Cold

For the past six days I've not only been under the weather...I've been over, around and dragged through it.  During this time a frog has taken up residence in my throat with no plans to leave and Kleenex has been holding my nose hostage for far too long.  Though sleep has been elusive for me, I'm thankful my family's slumber has not been affected by my foghorn blows. 

However, I’m concerned that while I’ve been functioning in a head-cold daze, my kids have been betraying me by growing faster than should be allowed.  For instance, today my cell phone rang, but the call wasn’t for me.  The chipmunk-pitched female on the other line was interested in talking to Noah. 

(Huh? What’d I miss?  I must be in some sort of Twilight Zone.)

Numbly I called to Noah to tell him he had a phone call.

(But, he NEVER gets phone calls…much less from a girl.)

“Noah, it’s Alayna,” I said.

“Alayna? Oh, ok,” he responded nonchalantly.  Then he turned on his heel and closed his bedroom door while he spoke into the phone, “Hey Alayna.  How are you doing?”

I was floored.  What? No mention of Star Wars or launching into a monologue about how he just earned General Grievous while playing Star Wars The Complete Saga on the Wii?  Who is this kid?

As I held completely still with my ear bent toward the door I heard, “Yeah, so yesterday I went to Evan’s birthday party…you know, Evan from school?”  

My eyes began to well up and I bit down on the inside of my cheek for fear I’d start sobbing and therefore betray my location. 

“So, are you ready for school?  I just got these cool new shoes!” he shared.

(Hmmm…you mean the ones that started a meltdown in Kohl’s because they didn’t light up and weren’t in your favorite color?)

While I continued to eavesdrop on my 9 year old casanova, I heard, “So, tell Tatiana I said hi, too."

Later, when I shared Noah’s phone call with my mom, I told her how I couldn’t believe how appropriate and different he sounded with her.  My mom just laughed and said, “That’s because he’s not in love with you.”

What?!  He’s 9.  He doesn’t get to be in love with anything but bacon and his mother’s homemade banana chocolate chip muffins..

“That kid is going to be just fine.  He will find his way,” my mom continued.

Yeah, but what about me?

Dear Noah...Thanks For Helping Me Grow

The following story is part 2, click here  to read part 1.

Although exhausted, when Steve and I finally crawled into our beds after spending 12 hours in the car to take Noah to Camp Barnabas, I found myself unable to rest.  The house was not only quiet, it was empty.  Natalie was spending the night with her grandma and Noah was more than 300 miles away.  It felt odd not having them near.  I tossed and turned and attempted to get comfortable while Steve lay motionless.

"What in the heck are we going to do when they grow up and move away?" I shared.  "We'll have nothing to talk about!" I continued.

"Oh, we'll just have to have lots of sex then," retorted Steve.

"You're so funny," I replied.

"Hey, that wasn't meant to be funny," said Steve.

Within minutes I was asleep.  The next day, I kept myself busy with various errands, but by late afternoon, I was dying to know how Noah was doing...without me.  I sent a quick email to their "mommy checks" account and tried to go about my day.  I didn't know how often they check the account so figured it could be Tuesday morning before someone responded.  However, at 9 p.m. I received a call from Amanda, a nurse practitioner working at Camp Barnabas.

"Noah has a terrible middle ear infection," explained Amanda.

She had checked to make sure he wasn't allergic to any medicines and had already started him on penicillin as they had some available at camp.

"He should be feeling better in a couple of days," added Amanda.

I couldn't believe it.  Noah hadn't had an ear infection in more than two years.  Apparently it was Murphy's Law that he get one when he's miles from home, but I didn't have to like it.  I felt helpless and slept poorly that night.

The next morning I contacted Amanda to ask if I should come and get Noah, but she assured me it wasn't necessary because when she went to give him his morning meds, he told her he slept well and had no pain.  A little while later I received a response from the camp director through the mommy checks email system:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noah is doing great!  He is already feeling better so please don't come get him.  There is another boy at camp that loves Star Wars and they are having a Star Wars party this afternoon.  Noah talked to one of our staff guys about how to make more friends so they are practicing how to do it.  He did all the activities yesterday including sand volleyball, disc golf, and T-shirt making.  He is so sweet and we love having him here.

Thanks,

Kayman

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While I felt relieved he was feeling better, I'd be lying if I said, I wasn't a little disappointed.  I was definitely having a tougher time with this separation than Noah, it seemed.  When the day finally arrived to go get him, I was more than ready.   We pulled into the entrance of the camp just minutes after it opened, but we found the place already full of parents and campers toting their belongings to their cars.  As Steve fumbled with his camera, I snapped at him to hurry up. When we were about 75 yards from Noah's cabin, we spied him waving and calling out to us enthusiastically.  Then, Noah just took off running towards us.  I relished the moment as he collided into my arms.

Looking up at me with teary eyes he choked out "Mahhhmmm."  But, before I could respond, he added, "I want to come back.  Please...can I come back?"

Hmmm...I'm pretty sure you must leave a place before you can technically come back to it, but instead of sharing this bit of knowledge, I simply sighed and replied, "Of course!"

Saying good-bye to his team of counselors was tough.

Noah and I at the closing ceremony.

Noah with his Star Wars buddy, Jack.

He said, "yes" to so many new things.

"Was it scary?" I asked.  "Yes, it was very scary...I only went down it 6 times," replied Noah.

JT, though Noah thinks he's Obi One, played along and took Noah for a ride in the "Millenium Falcon".

Dear Mom...I'm Growing Up

When you're a parent you'll do things for your kids that you wouldn't do for others, even yourself.  The moment I became a mother, I was 110% vested in my child's future success.  Sometimes, ensuring it has meant going the extra mile, but this past Sunday it involved traveling 625 miles...round trip.

With three bags full of Noah's belongings, we loaded up our Camry and headed to Memphis to take Noah to Camp Barnabas or "Camp Barnacles" as Natalie calls it.  Camp Barnabas provides children and young adults with special needs and chronic illnesses, the opportunity to try new things in a way that is safe and successful for them.  Through adaptive activities, they become participants rather than observers.  All of this is provided in a Christian camp setting.  The week Noah would be attending was specifically designed for those with Pervasive Developmental Delay (PDD). Although the plan for this trip had been set in motion six months in advance, when the day finally arrived to go, I wasn't quite prepared.  I still couldn't believe that my kid, the one who used to bang his head on our hardwood floor when upset and spent more years in pull-ups than I care to count, was now going to be eating, sleeping...and living without me, and my mommy-safety net for six days and five nights!

As I double-checked his items list, it was as if my head and body were disconnected.  I couldn't really think about the drop off.  I could only focus on the tasks I needed to do in the here and now -- like labeling every stitch of clothing and personal item Noah owned.  When I asked Noah if he wanted me to pack along his sleeping buddies -- a stuffed Scooby Doo and Beanie Babies, Claude the crab and a pug named Wrinkles, he responded with a horrified look and then vigorously shook his head no. It seemed he planned on jumping into the role of "big kid" with both feet.  I wondered what else he was thinking about shirking...surely not hugs and kisses from his mother.

The drive down was an adventure in itself as Noah had not been on a long car ride since he was a baby. About an hour into our trip, we made a rest stop at a McDonald's. When I emerged from the restroom I found Steve and Noah waiting for me.

"Did he go?" I whispered to Steve.

"No, he wouldn't go.  There was a fly in the stall," replied Steve matter-of-factly.

"What?" I responded.  "Noah, come with me," I commanded as I took his hand and quickly pulled him into the ladies' room. Once inside Noah scanned the room shell-shocked.

"Mom, I can't be in here.  This room is for girls!" stated Noah.

"Noah, no one is in here.  It's fine.  Besides, we won't be stopping for another hour.  Go ahead, it's clean," I said. 

Without another word he entered a stall and locked himself in.  I stood near the sinks and waited.  As the minutes ticked by I counted the cracks in the floor and studied the tiles in the ceiling while woman after woman entered and left the restroom.  After 15 minutes, Noah whispered for me through the door.


"Noah, are you okay?" I asked.  With the room quiet again, Noah cautiously opened the stall door and peered out, "I can't go in here.  It's for girls," he decided.  Apparently he had spent the entire time standing fully clothed in the stall panicking that he'd be found out -- a boy in the women's restroom.

"Noah, you have to at least try because we aren't stopping again for at least another hour," I explained.


With a look of deer in the headlights, his big blue eyes accepted my words and 30 seconds later I heard a flush.  Success.

Back on the road Noah alternated entertaining himself with his DSi and Spiderman activity book while I thought about how far we had come.  I wasn't thinking of the miles we had traveled, rather the growth and accomplishments Noah had attained since we began our journey on Planet Autism.  When we were about an hour from reaching our final destination, we made one last pit stop at a gas station that also served Baskin Robbins.  Noah excitedly ordered a scoop of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.  However, when the attendant handed him their signature pink spoon, Noah froze. 

"I can't use this," said Noah.

"What are you talking about, Noah?  It's a spoon. It's the only kind they have," replied Steve.

As Noah teetered on having a meltdown over the idea of consuming his dessert with a girly-colored utensil, I held my breath.  Eventually he decided that he wanted the ice cream more than he cared about the color of the spoon.

Although we arrived at the campgrounds right on time, a motorcade of more than 30 cars were already ahead of us. Camp volunteers walked alongside the waiting vehicles to check in campers.  

"Who do we have here?" asked the volunteer.

"Noah Felgenhauer," piped Noah from the backseat.

As the volunteer scanned and re-scanned his list in search for Noah's name, my heart raced as I second-guessed myself.  Inside I worried I screwed something up or didn't fill a form out properly.  

"No problem, I'll just make him up a badge right now.  I know I saw his name earlier.  I'm not sure why it didn't print," explained the volunteer.

So, while my anxiety was growing as our car inched closer to "the drop-off" point, when I looked behind me, I saw that Noah was grinning from ear to ear in anticipation.

Once we reached the end of the line, we unloaded Noah's things.  With hardly a glance at us, he headed straight to the reception hall to meet his personal camp counselor and receive a welcome cheer from the staff.  

Next, Steve and I parked the car and ventured to the nurse's station to drop off Noah's medications and get him formally checked in.  Our last stop was to meet him at his cabin and say our good-byes.  When we reached his "home away from home", we found him already making up his bunk.  While he chatted with his counselor, he seemed almost oblivious to our presence.   

Noah and Casey

Noah outside his cabin with his cabin manager, Kelso and counselor, Casey.

As Steve tugged on my arm, I frantically rattled off the detailed instructions I'd written out in a two page letter to his counselors.  I gave Noah a hug and turned around quickly so he couldn't see the tears that threatened to ruin my strong front exterior.  Steve and I headed back to St. Louis and although our car was visibly lighter, my heart was heavy as I realized my baby is growing up.

Part 2: Dear Noah...Thanks for Helping Me Grow

Sounds Good to Me

On Saturday morning the kids and I scurried out of the house just before 8 a.m. in hopes of beating the heat and the crowds coming to see the brand new, $18 million, 1.5 acre, Sea Lion Sound exhibit at the St. Louis Zoo.  Yet, when I turned on my car, I noticed the thermostat read 102.  Oh well, I still had high hopes of arriving before the masses.  We secured a free spot outside The Living World and although I wanted to make a beeline for the new exhibit...the kids really wanted to take a stroll through the Children's Zoo, first.  I tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to hurry the kids as Noah petted guinea pigs and Natalie pretended to give a stuffed lion a haircut (Eraka would be so proud) in the make-believe vet center.  After saying hello to the pot-bellied pigs and Natalie had successfully squirted pink, "hamatizer" (hand sanitizer) all over her shirt, we rinsed off and headed over to welcome the sea lions back home.  It's hard to believe that they've been gone for two years while their new habitat was being constructed.

As we walked over, I tried to explain to them how cool the new exhibit would be...that they would have the opportunity to walk through a tunnel.  I shared that there would be water all around them and that we'd get a unique view of the sea lions as they swam.  But, when we reached the entrance Natalie suddenly looked quite pensive as she asked, "Mommy, would you hold my hand?  Because I'm afraid I'll get washed away."

Get a Dream...Get a Job...Get Me Outta Here!

Where would I be without the library's fantastic summer line-up of live entertainment, craft sessions and movie showings?  I tell you where I'd be...I'd be baking my head in the triple digit, St. Louis heat at some park because my two Tasmanian Devils have too much energy and we have too little house for them to run around in.  On Thursday, my reprieve from the scorching heat was all thanks to Juggling Jeff.  The Tesson Ferry Branch invited him to not only entertain, but encourage and teach kids how to make their dreams come true.  He got the crowd fired up by inviting the pint-sized bunch to share their dreams.  And, while some had lofty dreams of becoming an opera singer or a race car driver -- none of them came close to the altitude of Natalie's aspiration of becoming a bird when she grows up.  She shared her feather fantasy with me on the car ride over and was very disappointed to learn that the closest she would come to flying would be in an airplane.  

During his show, Juggling Jeff took the kids on a journey of reaching their dreams by following a few easy steps.  First, he challenged them to get a really big dream and then position it deep in their heart. This involved the kids reaching their hands into the air and seemingly grabbing their dreams with their bare hands and then purposefully stuffing them deep into their chests.  His antics were met with wild enthusiasm from the audience of youngsters as reflected by their ear-bleeding squeals. 

Juggling Jeff used his dream of becoming a professional juggler as the model and shared that one of the first things he did was study and learn everything he could about juggling. The next steps involved practicing and finding a team of experts to help you accomplish your dream.  At this point Natalie turned to me and whispered,"Will you be on my team?"

"Of course," I replied. However, to myself I thought I better figure out how best to channel her creative energy or I'm going to end up with a kid who works at fast food joint sporting a chicken suit.

Juggling Jeff 

And, while Juggling Jeff began the show juggling tennis balls the size of beach balls, as he continued through the dream-reaching steps of focus and persistence, his tricks became more difficult.  His grand finale involved him getting out of a strait jacket while staying atop a large, spinning yoga ball.

As soon as the show ended Natalie grabbed my arm and yanked me towards the bookshelves.  "Mom!  Let’s go get some books right now and find out what I’m going to grow up to be!" she exclaimed.

On the car ride home I asked the kids,"What’s your dream?" As you can imagine, I received two very different responses.  

Me: "What’s your dream?"
Noah: "Nothing.  I didn’t dream anything last night."
Me: "No.  What do you want to be?"
Noah: "I just want to be myself."
Me: "No.  What do you want to do when you grow up?"
Noah: "Nothing.  I don’t want a job. When we get home can I just play this Sonic video game I checked out?"

Me: "What’s your dream?"
Natalie: "I want to be EVERYTHING!"

This was followed by "Mom, can I study this when I get home?" she asked while holding up the companion CD to the "DK Eyewitness Evolution" book she had checked out. 

"Sure," I responded.

As I fumbled with the door carrying a load of books into the house, Natalie asked, "Mom can I be a lot of people and have a lot of jobs --like a zookeeper and a lab scientist and an ocean helper?"  Before I could even answer she was already headed to her room with an armful of books and said, "OK, mom, I’m going in my room to study now," as she closed her door behind her.  

A few minutes later she emerged wearing a pink satin dancer dress with a notepad and pencil in her hands and said, "Mom, I can't draw a dancer.  I need to draw what I see on the T.V. so that I don’t forget what I learn,"  However, since I couldn't draw fast enough, she decided it would be better if she just took photos of the T.V. screen while she had "Adventures with Dance" playing in the DVD player.

A short while after Natalie announced, "Mom, I wanna be in a show,”

"What a coincidence," I stated. "Because Daddy and I just signed you up for drama camp, today actually," I continued.

"What’s drama camp?" she inquired.

"Remember how you told me you wanted to be an actor?  At drama camp you'll learn how to perform for an audience.  You'll also learn about set design and how to make costumes," I explained.

“I want to be in charge,” she responded.

"Oh, then you want to be a director.  But, before you can be a director and tell everyone what to do you have to learn and understand how all the parts of the show work," I stated.  Uncharacteristically she did not respond.  She just gave me a smirk and then turned on her heel and headed off to her room to continue watching her dance video.

Dear God:
Stop jokin' around.