Take My Advice...and Leave It

Though I’m entering my 13^th year as a mother, I believe I began mothering the moment I discovered a life was growing inside me.  Almost immediately, I started reading Heidi Murkoff’s, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”.  Once the news of my pregnancy was out – the floodgates of advice began pouring in from family, friends and sometimes even strangers who wanted to weigh in on…what I should eat and how much weight I should gain, the pros and cons of breastfeeding, co-sleeping versus letting babies “cry it out”, the benefits of cloth diapers, which brand of baby thermometer to trust and baby names to steer clear from.  And, unlike those who mothered before me, I also had the Internet to provide opinions from millions of “experts” across the globe.  Information is good, but sometimes it’s just overwhelming and I think it may even play a role in the rise in anxiety seen across our nation.

I vividly recall bursting into tears two weeks postpartum when I realized I hadn’t yet started reading to my child. 

“Have I screwed him up already?”

Thankfully my husband was close by to be my voice of reason. But, I didn’t always listen to him and sometimes let my fears of messing up (at mothering) get the best of me.  This was especially true when mothering my son, who has developmental delays.  When he was two years old, I nearly drove him and myself crazy when I agreed to follow a strict “sensory diet” laid out by his occupational and speech therapists.  The plan involved swinging him twice a day for 15 minutes, therapeutic listening for 20 minutes – twice a day, brushing and joint compressions 12 times a day, food desensitization therapy with charting – 3 times a day and more! I believed the experts and was afraid of what the consequences would be if I missed out on even one thing.  But, as he grew…so did my confidence and I realized I was an expert…at being his mother.  

The best piece of advice I can give to new moms and those overwhelmed in general – listen to your gut.  Mother’s intuition is no joke.  You are your child’s best advocate.  Mom guilt is not helpful.  The only thing moms are truly guilty of is wanting the very best for their child.