Pushing Past Panic to Find a Passion

June 17th marked 17 years of marriage with the Big Steve-O, yet the two of us never took/made time to celebrate. This summer has been fraught with a lot of heartache and anxiety over parenting Noah. I've lost weight, my hairdresser noticed my hair was thinning and I've felt extremely fatigued. Last month Steve signed me up for a one day, pet portrait watercolor class because he always seems to know what I need even if I don't always agree with him...kinda like that one time nearly eight years ago when he signed me up for a writing course.
Me: "Why would you do that? I have no idea what to write. I have nothing to say."
Steve: (no words - just an unwavering belief in me)

Steve may not be everyone's cup of tea, but he is honest and fair and his faith in Jesus is strong and has carried our family through tough times. While his words are few, his actions speak volumes. His passion is in making me happy...mostly -- though there's a reason, as a little boy, his mama called him Steven the Heathen.

I love you, Steve -- you big lug.

I began painting -- mainly out of fear... because I hadn't held a brush for 10 years and didn't want to look like a complete fool at the class. So, I practiced as much as I could and although I nearly had a panic attack during the class and had to leave early -- I have found joy in the process.

My first one I created for a friend who lost her beloved 2 year old Belgian Malinois this past spring.
Meet Indie

A few weeks ago my niece had to put down her 4 year old dog unexpectedly.
Meet Sadie

Last month my Barb, my sister-friend, celebrated another trip around the sun. Someone who over the years has talked me down from more ledges and lifted me up more times than I can count.
Meet Cocoa Bean

When I shyly showed my paintings to my former boss, Ellen Rohr, someone who I have always admired for her can do, glass half full attitude, she immediately offered to pay me to paint her own two pooches...a gift for her husband. My heart nearly burst...not for the money, but that I could bring joy to someone from something I created.

Meet Molly and Sox

Our Truvy dog's breeder, Theresa has been a lifeline and been available to us any time we have called on her with a question about our pup. For her, a rendering of her beloved, 3 year old labradoodle.
Meet Dusty

My latest rendering is for a lovely lady who lost the dog of her life to cancer.
Meet Rusty

Celebrating Every Day

On Tuesday Steve and I celebrated...I use that term loosely...12 years of marriage.

We didn't hire a sitter or get dressed up and go out to dinner.  We didn't even exchange cards.

While we will never forget the day we said I do on the beautiful beaches of Makena Cove Beach in Maui, we know it's not the day that is most important -- rather all the other days in between. Through ambulance rides, depleted bank accounts, loss of wages and of loved ones.  Our commitment has been tested and through it we've come to have a deeper appreciation for one another.  Loving me isn't something Steve saves for special occasions.  Moreover, he expresses it in a way that shows the kids how special I am to him. He doesn't just tell me he loves me -- he'll say things like, "Noah, did you see how pretty your mama looks today? (never mind that my hair is knotted in an unflattering bun...I'm make-up free and sweaty). He notices when my chocolate stash is low before I do and enjoys surprising me with a new brand to try.  He's a homebody and prefers solitude yet he goes along with all the crazy plans I pack into each and every weekend. He eats whatever I serve him. And, on days when he arrives home from work to find I haven't even started dinner -- he washes his hands and gleefully suggests, "How 'bout I make us breakfast for dinner?!"

On the morning of our anniversary I awoke feeling residual grouchiness towards my beloved over an argument we'd had the night before.  I forgot what day it was until after he had left for work.

Instead of focusing on the negative, I decided to bake us an anniversary cake because I knew as the day progressed things would turn around.  Steve, while a thoughtful person, can be impulsive which means if his mouth and heart were having a race -- you can probably guess which one would win.  However, he's also a very smart man and over the course of our marriage has learned a few things to keep it afloat:
1. Apologize when you are in the wrong or when you've been told that you were in the wrong.
2. It's impossible to be sorry and be right at the same time. 
3. Live by the motto "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
4. When in doubt, apologize.

Through Steve I've learned:
1. I'm not always right...just most of the time.
2. Sometimes it's best to take a step back and think about things before making a decision. This applies to drastic hairstyle changes, home renovations and potty training.
3. Country music is really okay.
4. Worrying is over-rated.
5. When in doubt, apologize.

While traditional 12th anniversary gifts call for silk or linen, more practical givers may choose high-thread bed linen, tablecloths, towels and cushions.  But, no need to limit new coverings to bedrooms and bathrooms.  Right?

I mean..."If you are going to be a bear...be a grizzly."

At least that's what my non-traditional husband is fond of saying.

So, it should come as no surprise that he chose to purchase new coverings... for our entire house (siding, soffit, fascia and gutters) -- to mark 12 years of marital bliss.

But, next Tuesday for no special reason, he'll hand me a bag from my favorite chocolatier or remind me I'm still attractive as he gooses me on his way to the refrigerator. 

We're celebrating...every day.

After we ate cake, Natalie sent us on a scavenger hunt through the house.
At the end she jumped out and yelled "Happy Anniversary!"

Mother's Day Wrap Up 2014

Mother's Day weekend was filled with lots surprises...most of them good, but some just left me feeling all wet...literally.  On Friday, when I turned on the bathroom faucet, it broke off in my hand at full blast. I tried unsuccessfully to turn off the water beneath the sink and in the process dropped my phone into the geyser.  Natalie, who had been home sick, watched in horror as the water continued to gush and pour down into the basement. Unable to reach Steve, I tried to follow the water lines that snaked through our 85 year old basement, in hopes of shutting off the main.  In the end, I enlisted help from a neighbor and together we were able to stop the flow.

This year marked my 11th Mother's Day and if gifts followed traditional wedding anniversary gifts, I should have received steel...which I did in the form of a brand new stainless steel faucet. 

Things could only get better, right?

Saturday was a steamy 85, but the sun was just what I needed to brighten my day.  The kids' school was hosting a family picnic complete with carnival games, cotton candy and a dunking booth.  Natalie and I ran the Angry Birds game for awhile before trying out some of the games ourselves.  Next, we headed to Miriam School for their new student picnic as Noah will be transferring there in the Fall. We feasted on hot dogs, potato chips and Ted Drewes under canopies set up on the school playground.  We played more games and I marveled at how quickly my two could jostle the contents of their lunch without worry as they jumped and whooped it up in the bounce house.

 

Natalie ready to run the show

The Techno Bubble Bus was a hit at the Miriam party.

Sunday I woke up to Natalie whispering, "Happy Mother's Day," in my ear. This was followed by "I'm going to talk to Noah about not having any tantrums today."

As I entered the kitchen I found Steve making crepes stuffed with strawberries, chocolate and whipped cream. 

I could get used to this.

For my special day, I just wanted to spend it outside with my family.  We loaded up the kids' scooters and headed to a portion of Grant's Trail that we had never been -- Backstoppers Park.  It was a short ride to Sappington House and the kids were happy to find another StL250 cake and explore the area.   Once we'd seen all we could see, we headed back to the car and stopped in at Culver's for lunch.

Enjoying the ride along Grant's trail.

Cake time!

Skipping stones at Sappington House

Sappington House gardens

Beside the trail the kids stopped in for a spin.

Culver's offered free, two scoop sundaes to all moms on Mother's Day.

For our final destination, we took the kids to a place we had never been - Myseum.  A uniquely interactive play center that is part indoor playground, part science center.  Located in Town and Country in the Lamp and Lantern Shopping Center, we had the place practically to ourselves.  We spent the afternoon cheering as the kids sailed down the radar slide that flashed their M.P.H and worked together to build and direct the path of a ball down a magnetic wall.  We pretended to dig up fossils in the dino area and made a lot of noise trying out a myriad of instruments including; a whale drum, laser harp and a wrenchaphone.

You could say we ended things on a high note.

 

An interactive video system fuses science and art.
Here Natalie breaks apart the pieces on the screen using a foam tube.

Working on the magnetic wall.

Why pretend to be a zoo keeper when you can be a zoo animal?

Noah experiments with teeny tiny magnets.

Noah in LEGO heaven.

Valentine's Day 2014 Wrap Up

My day began with...
A scavenger hunt from Natalie

In the afternoon we set out for the Missouri History Museum's kick-off party to celebrate their newest exhibit 250 in 250.  St. Louis turns 250 in 2014! To capture our city's rich history and culture, the Missouri History Museum does it through the stories of 50 People, 50 Places, 50 Images, 50 Moments, and 50 Objects. If you've never been -- it's a great place to visit with or without kids.  And, it's FREE.

When ice freezes a river solid, blocking all river traffic, it's called an ice gorge. When this happened in 1905, adventurous St. Louisans like the woman in this photo flocked to the riverbanks to take advantage of the opportunity to venture across the river on foot. This woman is not alone — if you look behind her, you'll see a line of people who all wanted to say they'd crossed the river without a boat or a bridge.  And, thanks to Step Inside Historic St. Louis at the Missouri History Museum, Noah and Natalie can say they were there as well.

The kids decorated guitars in honor of one of St. Louis' great musicians, Chuck Berry

No party is complete without cake.  They decorated cupcakes and enjoyed hot cocoa.

Carter, Natalie and Jenna rock out.

The World's Fair exhibit was definitely their favorite.

After MO Hist. we headed to dinner.  We've had reservations for weeks!

What parts of the chicken do chicken rings come from? Ask Steve - he has a few ideas.

Say cheese...burgers!

Steve and his harem.

The gang

I came home to find this sweet surprise on my porch.  Thanks, Michelle! 

What Steve lacks in creativity, he more than makes up for in taste.
Handcrafted milk chocolate sea salt caramels
Love at first bite.

Birthdays: The More I Have...the Better

Yesterday was my birthday.

When I was a child, birthdays revolved around presents.  A time in which party themes were simply "Happy Birthday." Decorations were limited to pastel or primary colored streamers and a dozen balloons taped to the backs of chairs with some hanging from the dining room chandelier.  Party fare generally consisted of cake and ice cream.  Though there were times when we went all crazy and ordered a cake half chocolate and half yellow. And, 30+ years ago, it was customary to only invite kids of your gender and to play party games in which not everyone wins.  Classics included Musical Chairs, Pin-the-Tail-on the-Donkey and Hot Potato.

Some birthdays stand out more than others. 

The day I turned 10 was also the day my paternal grandma, Frances Rozkiewicz House, died.

For my 15th birthday, I tried to organize a group of friends to go to the movies or have dinner at a favorite restaurant of the time --TGI Fridays.  Everyone I asked turned me down. I ended up accepting a babysitting gig, but about 30 minutes after the mom left, she returned home saying her plans fell through.  Par for the course, I thought. I walked home slowly with plans to just go to bed early.  So, imagine my surprise when I opened the door and was accosted by bright lights and a half a dozen girlfriends yelling, "Surprise!"

Birthdays from my 20's involved a lot of booze and bars.  Most of my friends were single and fancy free.  My 23rd was spent in a piano bar with a group of college chums and at one point I found myself on stage being serenaded by everyone in the bar. I've since lost contact with many of these friends, but still enjoy reminiscing over the many adventures we shared. For my 27th, my ice skating pal, Claudia and the ladies from our precision team threw me a surprise party.  I hadn't known any of them very long so I was really blown away by their friendship.

My 30th, another surprise party. At this point, you'd think I'd come to expect a party, but I will tell you each time I've been more taken aback than the last.  Most of the partygoers were family members.  At this time in my life my social circle was much smaller...okay it wasn't so much a circle - it was basically Steve. We were engaged and very much looking forward to sharing our lives together.

Birthdays from my 30's are a blur as a result of years of extreme sleep deprivation.  But, Noah and Natalie were worth it and Steve was there for all of them. My 40th...yeah, you may have guessed it, but I didn't. I was completely in the dark...or should I say, dark chocolate.  This time Steve and my friend Barb and several girlfriends organized a surprise wine and chocolate tasting party for me at Kakao Chocolate.  The gathering, a perfect melding of family and friendships both new and old washed down with a glass of merlot and half a dozen milk chocolate sea salt caramels.

This year's birthday wasn't a milestone and I had no expectations other than to not do laundry for the day.  That morning the kids entered into a debate about what to get me for my birthday.  I assured them that they didn't need to buy me anything but shared that I would love a hand-made card.  However, Noah, a practical yet thoughtful soul believes in going big or not at all as evidenced by the following convo:

"Noah, aren't you going to make Mom a card?" asked Natalie.

"A card isn't special," said Noah.

"Sure it is!" I interjected.

 "No. It's not," he maintained.

"Well, what is something special that you'd want to get me?" I inquired.

"An air-conditioner," said Noah.

I think my heart grew three sizes.  I assured him our current A/C was just fine and all I needed from him was a big hug.

Natalie made me a set of cards and sent me on a scavenger hunt with the gift leading to one of her favorite necklaces - a pearl choker.  But, it will be years before she understands the real gift was the joy I received from the hunt and her lovely drawings.

  

In the afternoon my friend, Barb dropped in to deliver a boxful of chocolates she had handpicked from Russell Stover's new store.  With her now working full-time and juggling four kiddos, our face-time has been reduced significantly so it was really a treat to see her.

Steve, while mostly a "wait til the last minute" kind of guy, arrived home with a Racanelli's pizza, a bag of my favorite chocolates from Kakao and a receipt for us to take swing dance lessons together beginning next week through the community college.

Talk about your surprises.

A Rich Life

Yesterday I awoke hours before Steve's 5 o'clock alarm went off.  It's not that I wasn't tired.  I was definitely tired...especially of being an adult and dealing with adult problems.  Every time I turn around something is falling apart.  It has been a summer full of losses.  Some of them have been directed at my wallet -- like replacing our home's air conditioning system and our bedroom A/C wall unit, the microwave, our T.V., a leaky refrigerator, the kitchen faucet and Noah's filling that fell out.  Others have cost some tears like Natalie losing three teeth in three weeks (She's growing up too fast!) and saying good-bye to my 16 year old tabby.  The latest issue to hit is that a bat or two have decided to take up residence in our home's soffit and fascia.

"What are you doing up so early?" asked Steve

"I couldn't sleep," I said.

"Was I snoring?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

"Was I farting?" he asked.

"No!" I replied.

"Well...then I better try harder next time," he quipped.

"Steve!" I said as I slugged his arm.

No matter what our troubles...and over the course of more than a decade together, we've been blessed with some really good ones -- Steve is always my rock.  If you ask him what his secret is -- he'll only give you a self-deprecating response like, "Oh, I'm just not very bright, is all." In truth, he is very smart and generous and funny.  But, it's his faith in God and commitment to our relationship that won me over and continues to hold my feet steady when we come up against rocky terrain.

He often knows what I need even before I do. Sometimes it's in the form of words, "Did I tell you that you’re beautiful, today?" Other times it's that he noticed my chocolate stash was low and stopped off at Walgreen's on his way home from work.  Recently, he got really brave and took the kids by himself for the day (Natalie’s first extended car ride) to visit his friend who has a small farm located about two hours north of our home.  He encouraged me to stay home and spend my time as frivolously as possible.  “Take a nap!” he suggested. He’s told me he feels guilty that he’s often away at work or traveling, yet can’t buy me the things he thinks I deserve like my own bathroom, a vacation trip or furniture and clothes that aren't pre-owned.  It’s true I don’t have many valuables that can be bought, sold or traded, but that’s okay...because I plan to keep him.

What happens with Daddy...stays with Daddy
That is, unless he decides to bring home pics!
I couldn't believe he let Noah drive the Gator.

Natalie had so much fun.
She keeps asking, "When can we move to the country?"

My most precious assets...Thanks, Steve.