Who's the Boss?

Tonight as I was tucking Natalie into bed and wished her a good night, she responded (quite caringly, I might add), "Mom, get some good rest tonight.  Tomorrow, after we wake up, you'll get right to work."

Apparently, this afternoon Natalie took her teacher's suggestion of "dress in p.j's and bring your favorite breakfast item to school tomorrow" as a bona fide homework assignment.  So, although her typical breakfast meal consists of a bagel and chocolate milk -- in order to make the grade, we need to bring in homemade banana chocolate chip muffins. 

Soon after I heard, "Mom, when am I going to get a desk?" 

Anyone need a CEO?  Nat's available.

Mother's Day Recap

Big butt or not...I had a fantastic Mother's Day.  For breakfast, Steve cooked and served us all crepes stuffed with strawberries and chocolate chips.  And, the best part?   He cleaned up his creative mess all by himself.

Any good mom worth her weight in...Peanut M&M's will agree with me -- homemade gifts trump store-bought gifts every time.  I only have to look at my own two, adorable homemade creations to know they are the best Mother's Day gifts I could ever receive.

Here's a look at some of the handcrafted gifts my two munchkins presented to me this year...Does that make them homemade gifts squared?

Noah gave me this "Best Mom" book. Since he absolutely struggles with fine motor skills - just him coloring the cover is a testament to how much he loves his Mom.

My favorite part - "especially nice to Tigger"...since our cat lives in the basement I'm not sure what that says about me.

 A drawing from Noah of the two of us sitting at the kitchen table...probably because that kid is hungry all the time. I think he must be part Hobbit because an hour after eating breakfast, he's ready for his second breakfast.    Natalie picked up on it and once asked me if I was a restaurant.

I wonder if "affording things" has anything to do with him wanting a certain $150 Lego set.

Chicken nuggets? "I didn't know what to say," he says.

 A drawing from Natalie of the two of us holding hands. I'm the one with the pointy butt...Is that better than a big butt? 

Motherhood Is

Happy Mother’s Day Weekend!

Yes, you read that right – WEEKEND.  Mother’s Day has officially been extended to include three days and two nights of… foot-resting and bonbon eating.  I’ve heard they’ve even passed a law making it illegal for Moms to lift a finger during this time.

I don’t know about you, but my weekend is off to an amazing start.  My 5 year old daughter just announced, “Mom, you’ve got a big butt.”  This was followed by, “Why do you have a big butt?”  I don’t know.  I think the bigger question is why did I teach my kids to speak?

Below is a poem I wrote last month for a contest Stephanie Nielson, author of “Heaven Is Here”, was running on her blog.  She is an amazing lady and a survivor of a near-death, plane crash in which 80% of her body was burned. Visit her blog here.

Motherhood is…         

The moment the plus sign appears
I’m positively thrilled to get the job
Putting all my dreams into one basket
A being small enough to live comfortably on the end of a pin
has already taken over all the space in my heart.
The first time I laid eyes on your water-logged skin
I’m struck with ignorance and awe
Where did you come from?
A crimson-faced squeal
My world has grown to fit perfectly into the palm of my hand
You take in air without me now
While I imagine I no longer can without you
At the forefront; a tether of primal needs
Diurnal living replaced with nocturnal survival
I’d trade in my Honda for eight hours of uninterrupted zzz’s
As you outgrow your onsies and toddle into your two’sies;
The real marathon begins
A tot tornado has touched down in the living room
De-shelved books, Crayola décor
I follow the trail of toilet paper that snakes through the house
The pint-sized pillager apprehended and sentenced to time out
As your vocabulary grows, so does your will
Dinner time, bath time and toilet time become our battlegrounds
Sharing my belief that green beans are really just green french fries is futile
Potty parties, treasure chests, a new car!
Instead, you prefer plastic and polymer crystals
Soon you are ready for preschool
Your circle expands to include teachers and friends
Gratefully, I still hold a place in your ring.
And, I don’t mind wearing Blue Light specials so you may arabesque in Twinkle Toes.
Most days your speech is dominated by questions
An average of 473 a day
Why is the sky blue?
How did that baby get inside her tummy?
What does it feel like to be awesome?
In a blink, you no longer need help tying your shoes
Reading and telling time are no longer a mystery
As you enter the halls of junior high
I must remain in my car
Parental PDA could send you to the ER
You assure me your homework is finished
My words go in one ear and deafly soar out to a galaxy far far away
Questions are few now
It seems you have all the answers
Your world is quite crowded.
There’s only room enough for my baby toe to fit
I pray I filled your well deep enough;
that you won’t accept contaminated resources from those seeking to drain your pool.
I look forward to the day when I’m no longer dumb
While I wait, I learn to cha cha and how to speak Chinese
The phone rings and I discover;
my IQ now ranks genius
The caller has but one question for me
Mom, can you babysit?

Letting Go

Today, Natalie released her beloved “Black-eyed Ladies”, more commonly known as Painted Ladies, into the world.  It was tough for her as she had watched them grow and cared for them since they were tiny larvae. 

Letting go is never easy; whether it’s a loved one, a pet or a painful time in your life. 

Since posting “Potty Train Wreck”, I’ve discovered that by sharing our family’s journey, I’ve been able to let go of some of the shame and guilt I have been shouldering for so long.  It’s so tough not to take it personally – not to fall into the blame game trap.  No one wants to see their child struggle.  And, on difficult days, when even Noah’s imaginary friend is calling him names, I am propelled back to the operating room on the night the doctor pulled him from my body and said, “her uterus is like an Easy-Bake oven”. Did the 103 degree fever I spiked during labor play a role in the developmental challenges Noah faces today?   

I don’t know. 

But, what I do know, is that there are no time machines.  We all live on borrowed time, and I choose to spend my precious moments on Earth being thankful for the wonderful family and friends I get to share it with.

And, that means being thankful for getting to do all the “fun stuff” as Natalie sees it.  She had this revelation tonight right after I asked her to clean her room.

“Why do I have to do all the hard stuff?” she asks.

“Hold on, Nat,” I say.  “You call cleaning the floors, doing the laundry, and cooking the meals fun?  I’d like to trade places with you.”

“Ok!” she exclaims.  Then, turns on her heel and announces, “Hey, Noah!  Guess what?  Mommy and I are switching places…tomorrow I get to drive the car!”

Potty Train Wreck

Prior to boarding the train, I had read countless articles and had sought the advice of several experts.  Others, who had gone before me, had warned that the trip can be long and difficult.  I hoped my preparations would make it as painless as possible and a positive experience for us all.  I would soon learn that sometimes no amount of planning can prepare you for the road ahead.  Our journey would have more stops and detours and breakdowns than I could have imagined.  Thank goodness I didn’t have a crystal ball when we started, or else I don’t know that I would have been able to face the challenges ahead. 

I could write a "War and Peace" sized book on the topic of toileting…most of it would be about war, but thank goodness I have almost found peace.  I won’t give you a mile by mile replay, instead, here are some postcards received while riding the rails.

 

Dear Mom:

I love you, but why are you suddenly interested in me using the toilet?  The diapers work just fine.  I pee and poop in them and you change me.  I see no reason to make changes to our arrangement. 

Love,

Noah (age 3 ½)

Dear Mom:

I thought I made it clear to you that I do not like changes.  Setting timers every hour seriously interrupts my play and makes me very angry. 

BTW: I know there’s no potty fairy changing the color of the toilet water.  It’s just you trying to come up with a creative way to get me to walk into the bathroom.  There’s nothing magical about putting blue food coloring in the toilet bowl and having me pee to change the color of the water.  There is only science.

Also, I’m sorry I threw my shoes in the toilet and locked you in the basement, but I’m trying to get it through your head… I despise changes to my routine.

Love,

Noah (age 3 ¾)
P.S.  I only like Thomas the Tank Engine trains. Please keep your potty trains to yourself.

 

 Dear Mom:

Please stop talking about treasure chests and stickers.  I don’t like stickers! 

And, Diego underwear is grossly over-rated.  Luvs are much more convenient and more absorbent than cotton. 

Can’t you find a better use of your time then to torment me with timers and your irritating potty songs?   I guess you enjoy cleaning up the floor every 30 minutes.  

Love,

Noah (age 4)P.S. Did you like the Irish jig I did in the puddles today?

Dear Mom:

I had a great time at Grandma’s house.  Since I don’t get to see her often, I haven’t had a chance to create a routine at her house, but I still had fun. 

I played outside in her garden and she let me eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.  I peed in her potty, but when I come home on Sunday do not expect me to use your potty.  I don’t do that at home. Home = Diapers

Love,

Noah (age 4 ¼ years)

Dear Mom:

Why do you insist on reading me a story featuring photos of me using the toilet?  And, now Dad is creating a video of me and the potty?  Hello! I know how to use the toilet, but oftentimes I don’t feel like I have to go. 

Remember when I was two and you found me purposefully slamming my fingers in the door…again and again.  Well, it’s kinda like that.  I don’t feel things the same way you do.

I’m not doing it on purpose – ok, well, not all the time anyway.  I’ll admit, sometimes I just don’t want to go because I just went 30 minutes ago.  Why do I have to go all the time?  It’s so frustrating!

Love,

Noah (age 4 ½ years)

Dear Mom:

I know my birthday is just around the corner.  I’m excited for my party and presents, but I don’t want to be five.  I finally got used to telling people that I’m four, and now I have to remember a new number.   Stop telling me I’m getting to be a big boy.  I don’t want to be big.  I just want to stay little. 

Love,

Noah (age 4 ¾ years)P.S. I’ve noticed when I sit on your lap, that there isn’t as much room as there used to be.  Are you shrinking?

Dear Mom:

Yesterday the kids at school made fun of me on the playground.  They called me diaper boy.  That made me mad.  I wasn’t even wearing diapers…I was wearing a pull-up.  Sheesh!

Love,

Noah (age 5 years)

Dear Mom:

I’m so frustrated…I know you are, too.  I go to the bathroom all the time at school.  I have a routine.  I always go before reading and after math and before lunch and after recess.  Maybe I would have fewer accidents at home if you would teach reading and math to me on the weekends.  I always go before reading and after math.

Love,

Noah (age 5 ½ years)

Dear Mom:

Thanks for taking me to see a specialist.  I know we are both super tired of living our lives around the bathroom.  At least now we have a name for what has been aggravating the issue -- Lower urinary tract dysfunction.  I’m not sure what it means, but I hear the physical therapist I’ll be seeing uses video games to help.  I love video games!  I wonder if she has Star Wars the Complete Saga.

Love,

Noah (age 6 ½)

Dear Mom:

Wow!  The appointment with the physical therapist was kinda weird, but also kinda cool.  She attached special cords to my body that were then hooked up to a computer.  I had to pay attention to my breathing and had to squeeze or release my muscles just right to get the video games to work properly.

Love,

Noah (age 6 ¾) P.S. Thanks for not giving up, but Star Wars games are much more fun.

Dear Mom:

I like the new vibrating potty watch you bought for me.  It looks like something a spy would wear.  It’s great because now I never need to pay attention to external cues like when a class begins or ends – I just go when the watch tells me. 

You are no longer the boss of me…the watch is!  But, don’t ask me to go before getting in the car for a long ride.  I can only go when my super cool watch tells me to go.

Love,

Noah (age 8 years)
 

Although our story is not unique, it was made more complicated by the physical issues we discovered late in the game.  Unbeknownst to us, Noah suffered through muscle spasms and his frequent leaks were due to his inability to fully empty his bladder or hold more than two ounces of fluid at one time.  In our case, the specialists believe that when we began toileting, Noah had very weak muscles which caused frequent accidents, however, later he developed a routine of holding his muscles too tightly which caused the spasms, and an inability to empty.  Today, we  have rid ourselves of all devices and use a combination of frequent, routine bathroom breaks and medication to keep his confidence strong and healthy.

I hope you have found the information I’ve presented as meaningful and that it helps provide a greater sense of compassion for families who are going through it, but are too embarrassed to share their story.  In closing, I want to leave you with three points to consider:

1.       One trait commonly shared among children on the autism spectrum is a high level of anxiety.
2.       Controlling one’s environment is a self-coping means to reduce anxiety.
3.       There are really only 3 things a child has control over –
a.       Eating – how much and what they choose to put in their mouth
b.      Sleeping - how much or when they choose to fall asleep
c.       Toileting – where or how often they choose to void

Below are some good resources:
http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Toileting_Issues_with_Autism
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/autism_spectrum_disorder_toilet_training.html/context/1167
http://www.behavioradvisor.com/Autism&Toileting.html

May the Fourth be with You

Happy Star Wars Day to you Noah!

Today is the day Star Wars fans across the planet celebrate their favorite holiday.

Serve up Darth Vader cupcakes in our home we will. 

To learn more, check out www.maythefourthbewithyou.com or www.starwars.com

Noah was only mildly impressed with my lightsaber cupcakes. 
He wanted each one to have an actual icing replica of the Dark Lord.

A Tweet Thought

Day 4 of Screen Free = no big whoop


This morning while watching the birds from our front window, Natalie asked, "Mom, do birds have TV's?"

"I don't think so," I said

"Maybe they have a secret TV...in their nests," she said.

"What kinds of shows do they watch?" I asked.

"Bird shows!" she responded confidently.