Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Letting Go

Today, Natalie released her beloved “Black-eyed Ladies”, more commonly known as Painted Ladies, into the world.  It was tough for her as she had watched them grow and cared for them since they were tiny larvae. 

Letting go is never easy; whether it’s a loved one, a pet or a painful time in your life. 
Since posting “Potty Train Wreck”, I’ve discovered that by sharing our family’s journey, I’ve been able to let go of some of the shame and guilt I have been shouldering for so long.  It’s so tough not to take it personally – not to fall into the blame game trap.  No one wants to see their child struggle.  And, on difficult days, when even Noah’s imaginary friend is calling him names, I am propelled back to the operating room on the night the doctor pulled him from my body and said, “her uterus is like an Easy-Bake oven”. Did the 103 degree fever I spiked during labor play a role in the developmental challenges Noah faces today?   

I don’t know. 

But, what I do know, is that there are no time machines.  We all live on borrowed time, and I choose to spend my precious moments on Earth being thankful for the wonderful family and friends I get to share it with.

And, that means being thankful for getting to do all the “fun stuff” as Natalie sees it.  She had this revelation tonight right after I asked her to clean her room.

“Why do I have to do all the hard stuff?” she asks.

“Hold on, Nat,” I say.  “You call cleaning the floors, doing the laundry, and cooking the meals fun?  I’d like to trade places with you.”

“Ok!” she exclaims.  Then, turns on her heel and announces, “Hey, Noah!  Guess what?  Mommy and I are switching places…tomorrow I get to drive the car!”

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