Thoughtful Spending

When Noah began receiving therapy through First Steps, I didn’t realize I would become a therapist myself.  Although he received speech and occupational therapy once a week, I was expected to continue with his treatments the other six days they did not visit.  I took my job seriously and followed their directives to the letter, sometimes at the expense of my own sanity.  Noah hated the brushing sessions, and the listening and swinging therapies sometimes made him sick to his stomach.  But, I wasn’t willing to miss even one day of treatment.  I felt Noah was counting on me.   

There was a moment though, when I realized I had stopped thinking of myself as a mom.  The woman who had brought home a bundle of joy, swaddled in dreams and good intentions, had become someone I no longer recognized.  My thoughts, my actions, and my words were always focused on one thing – keeping the gap between him and his peers from spreading further.  But, many times I treated the race like a sprint, when what it really is, is a marathon. 

Today, I try not to get too wrapped up in doing everything; instead, I’ve learned to temper the therapy with allowing him to just be a kid.  More importantly, I’ve learned to give myself permission to just be his mom.    Now I can spend more time enjoying the finer points of mothering; like reminding him to make his bed, take out the trash, and not gloat too much over beating me at Mario Kart.